This blog today has nothing to do with creating, nothing funny, no wise words, just some things from my heart. For three years my husband and I have been searching for help or a place for my son to live and have some kind of life. He is brain damaged following an attempted suicide December 11, 2007. Buster is 41 and has one son, Chase age 11. Buster doesn't even remember he has a son. Some days he doesn't even know us and in his mind he is 18. It's hard to see your once lively, handsome son become a mere shell of what he used to be, and I worry about what will happen when I am no longer here. Who will watch after him? Will he be put away somewhere to live out his life? I can not bear to think about that.
Now, my daughter has no place to live and she is 39. Of course, we have offered her a place to live for a while. This is something I wasn't expecting, but she is my daughter and I feel that I am supposed to help. Also, another daughter called this morning and is having some problems. She will probably need a place to live. I don't know if I have room but if I do she will join us.
So, I have been asking God to let me know in some way if this is what he had in mind. It wasn't what I had in mind. But sometimes what we want for our life is not His plan. I am weary and tired of searching for a place for Buster, for some form of help. I have called every place I can think of and emailed every association I have found with no results. I have emailed senators and representatives, no response at all.
For some reason, yesterday, I just felt a peace. I have made a decision to take care of my son as long as I can. I believe in my heart that's what God wants me to do. I know I'll get tired, but I have three wonderful girls that I know will help me when I need a break. They have always been there for me. I couldn't ask for better children than these four young adults. Oh, they have had their problems, don't get me wrong. None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes. But they have always learned from the mistakes and taken responsibility. For that I am grateful.
I'm not sure, still, why God has given me this "job", but I accept it. I think that's why I feel peace. I have accepted it instead of fighting it for so long. If any of you out there feel life is just too hard, think about the ones who have it harder than you. My girls and I visited Mississippi State Hospital last week, and while it was the cleanest place I've been, it is sad at the same time. Men walking in their socks looking for their shoes, not knowing the shoes were in their pocket. One man called me mamaw. Others just sitting in chairs staring at nothing, talking to themselves. It broke my heart and I couldn't get out of there fast enough.
I request your prayers today, as I will need them. Both my husband and I will need them.