Wednesday, May 11, 2011


I get up every morning, drink my coffee, take my shower, dress, go to the sewing room, sew, clean the house, cook, sew some more.  Why am I saying this? Well, I thought back months ago I had found myself, but when it comes down to it - who am I? I've been thinking about this, and, so far, have not come up with anything. Do you ever just wonder how you got where you are, where you have been, why some things happened to you, or why some things did not happen to you. Am I happy with my life? Well, I love my husband, I loved my children, I love my grandchildren, but am I really happy with me? The answer to that is NO. A big fat NO. And I don't know why.

Lord, please help me to understand me. Somedays I just want to hide away, never go outside. I cry more than ever these days. I think about my life and what I have accomplished. Guess what! I can't think of anything that I have done that is important in this life. I mean, shouldn't I have done something that contributed to mankind or the poor or the underprivileged or the homeless or the sick children that are all over this earth? I've never won an award, been written about in books or newspapers, never made a lot of money, never made a difference. Maybe that's what is wrong - I've never made a difference. Am I having a pity party? Well, maybe I am, but I don't think so. I'm just trying to figure out who is Virginia Lynn Higginbotham Palmertree? Really, who is she?

I wanted to be somewhere else with my life at this stage of the game. I wanted to have made more money, been more important, been more successful by age 64. And how did I get here so fast? I don't want to leave this earth and regret my life. I don't want to leave this earth wondering if I ever did enough. Oh, the money is not important to me, the "fame" wouldn't make a difference, I just want to make a difference. But first I have to know who I am and why am I here? It's getting late in this life of mine, so I need to hurry up and solve this mystery.

I'm watching American Idol and Lauren just sang a song that has made me think - "I Did It Anyway". Wait, maybe that's the answer.

You can spend your whole life buildin' Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
Yeah - I do it anyway

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea, sing it anyway
Yeah, yeah!

I sing
I dream
I love


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